The Messy Person’s Guide to a Tidy House: Part 6

Your kitchen is hidden under a pile of unwashed pots and pans. There is an Everest of unfolded washing in the spare room, and the dinning table looks like an exploded version of Office Works. You pray for a Domestic Goddess to send you a team of cleaners. Or a front end loader.

But while you wait for your prayers to be answered, there is a fast, free and most importantly, virtually EFFORTLESS way to turn your whole domestic situation around!

It is called Domestic Re-branding and all you will need is a pen and paper and a little creative thought. Using the three examples above; the messy kitchen, the unfolded washing and the craft catastrophe on the dinning table, we are going to show you what the advertising industry does to you all day, everyday. We are going to re-frame some pretty ordinary things and make them appear amazing and inspirational. Let’s start with the the washing:

Firstly, take a look at all the things this enormous pile of clothes IS NOT:

  1. These clothes are not scattered on a bedroom floor
  2. These clothes are not dirty
  3. These clothes are not in the washing machine
  4. These clothes are not still on the line or in the dryer – or worse, in that no-man’s land between wet and dry.

Right there you have 4 things that the pile is not. Now look at the things that it is:

  1. These clothes are clean
  2. These clothes are dry
  3. These clothes are bountiful

Now all you need to do is think of a name using the second list. Something like The Bountiful Wellspring of Clean Dry Clothes. See – you feel better already don’t you!

Let’s tackle the kitchen where there is a precarious pile of pots, pans and plates in the sink and clusters of cups and cutlery crowding the bench. We can probably skip straight to the second list now you have the hang of Domestic Re-branding:

This messy kitchen is actually:

  1. Evidence of an amazing banquet
  2. A sign that your family is very well fed
  3. Another meal imagined, produced and delivered
  4. Not home to anyone diagnosed with an obsessive cleanliness disorder
  5. Obviously a household where life is very busy and many other things take precedence over scrubbing pots.

The third example, the craft catastrophe can be applied to just about any child-induced mess and rather than a title, it is more a mission statement . It is the kind of comment you can throw at any incoming domestic disapproving comment, stopping it dead in it’s superior path (it is particularly effective with snobby mainstream sister-in-laws who like to think you are domestically inferior). You will need to find your own words but it should sound something like this (really loosen up and be dramatic):

The children are just so passionate about collage, it would devastate their creativity if they weren’t able to finish their project. You do know that self motivated creativity is one of the essential skills they will need in the future, don’t you?

Any statistical information you can use to back up your statement will go a long way – people who get upset about other peoples mess tend to want to be on top of absolutely everything.

So, find a piece of paper, steal a glitter pen from the dinning table, rinse out a mug, make yourself a cup of tea and sit down and re-brand all your domestic hotspots – you will be amazed at how positive a bit of mess can be. If the Domestic Goddess ever turns up, you can impress her with your household abundance and send her on her way.

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  1. SARAH HALL says:

    This made me smile I will look at my mess in a totally new light now lol

  2. Kim Rock says:

    I love the voyage of discovery within baskets of clean unsorted clothes, to deprive children of that is almost neglect – as for pots and pans and art projects consuming my tiny kitchen space, I prefer to look upon them as navigational objects – “your lunchbox is next to the big pot under the paper mâché solar system”….& “the cat is sleeping on your homework”. Thanks Camille for letting us know we are not alone!

    • The Family Beast says:

      Kim, your message is like poetry – a Domestic Re-branding Master no less – the skills you are teaching your children are priceless and will see them in good stead for the unpredictable and chaotic future ahead!

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